When a man is disrespected it is as if the muscles were being ripped from his bones. When a woman is not loved, it is like her head has been brought low and her hair shaved off. Fighting can occur when a man is disrespected or a woman does not feel loved. But, when one is disrespected and the other is not loved, there is a secret to stop it from continuing into a fight…
Fighting does not exist in my marriage. You also can enjoy a marriage like that.
I can honestly say that my husband and I have never fought in our marriage. Pretty crazy, right? Our secret is simple…I, the woman, refuse to fight. Yes, we have many disagreements. Yes, we argue (civilly). But, thanks to my mother, I have been groomed to understand social cues. I know when my husband and I are getting into a heated discussion. At this point, I am done with the conversation. I submit to my husband’s decision—even if I am convinced he is wrong.
“My husband can’t fight with me, when I won’t.”
God has placed my husband as the prime authority of our household. He is the one who will answer to God for the decisions which are made. Yes, my job is to help him make those decisions, but in the end, it is up to him. I give him the right of way. I defer. But, I will converse, bring facts and opinions to the table, and help him in making decisions. Thankfully, I have a husband who listens to me and hears what I have to say. He values my opinion and asks of it regularly.
“If there is fighting in a marriage, it is the woman’s fault.”
A husband will feel his authority is being trampled upon when his wife disrespects him. When she crosses the line of disregarding her husbands authority, a good husband will stop at nothing to ensure that his authority will not be usurped. A woman will typically fight with her husband when she knows she can get away with it. But, hands down, if there is fighting, it is the woman’s fault for not submitting to her husband.
“If there is no love in a marriage, it is the man’s fault.”
Not only does it take two to tango, it takes practice and attention to detail to make the tango a beautiful dance. A man who does not show his wife that he loves her not only disdains her, but disobeys God’s command to love his wife. A loving husband will do what is best for his family. Note: this might not look as the wife would expect. This loving man will die to his own selfish desires and lift up his wife, washing her in the Word and not be harsh. While this may be difficult, when it comes to fighting in general, it is impossible to fight with someone who refuses to. As difficult and as ‘unfair’ as one might think, the wife must defer to her husband’s leadership.
This is the secret: It is impossible to fight with someone who doesn’t want to.
Many conflicts in my marriage have been prevented from turning serious—into a fight. It has saved me much grief and I only hope it will save you as well.
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